Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
