I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
