I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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