Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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