he was CRYING into my vagina
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
