I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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