A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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