She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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