I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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