Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
