I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
