how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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