Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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