i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just high enough for therapy.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
