so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
