Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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