Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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