how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
