Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize