Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
