i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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