If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
