I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
