also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He told me they were just razor bumps!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We talked him into tasing himself.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
