Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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