she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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