Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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