Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
