were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
