she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
