You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
