Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
