why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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