I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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