Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I wish there were birth control emojis
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
