his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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