does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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