There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
