this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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