Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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