Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize