We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
