I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
