I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
God, I missed his penis.
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