Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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