yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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