my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
