I wish I could punch you in the face.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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