I just made out with a guy for $7.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
