we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
