I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
