I look better un-naked...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
