It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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