Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
