dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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