good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize