You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
