I have demons in me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
