cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
