I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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