i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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