I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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