I like my sex mixed with concussions.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
