..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
