Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
