There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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