just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
