Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
