Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
