Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Blood and glitter go together right?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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