also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
