last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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